Stacey Alapai: Returning Home from the Hawaiian Diaspora
- Cris Romento
- May 5
- 12 min read
Updated: Jul 31
Welcome to our Returning Home series, where we feature a Diasporic Hawaiian who has moved back home. In each story, we explore their upbringing, struggles, and insights they’ve gained on their unique path to reconnection.
Interview by Cris Romento, director of Dear Aloha
Stacey Mahealani Kauhaʻahaʻa Alapai isn’t afraid to speak up. At a time when many of Hawaiʻi’s laws and decisions are made behind closed doors—and public testimony rarely makes headlines—Stacey remains present. A self-proclaimed “Keyboard Warrior and Council Observer,” Stacey uses TikTok and social media to document her experiences as an activist, offering candid reflections on the challenges of protecting land and water rights in Maui. She’s become a familiar face at local council meetings, often showing up even when sessions run long or get rescheduled—all while juggling full-time motherhood and freelance nonprofit work.
After spending most of her life in the Hawaiian diaspora, she returned to her hometown in upcountry Maui during the COVID shutdown. She now lives in Makawao, within walking distance of many relatives, where she recently celebrated buying a home. In our conversation, Stacey shares stories of growing up in California, feeling like an outsider during summer school on Oʻahu, and the unexpected journey that led her home—sparked by a serendipitous trip to Mauna Kea.
Let’s start at the beginning. Where did you grow up, and what was life like for you? Who was your community?
This is always a difficult question for me to answer. I usually say I am from Makawao, Maui to keep it simple, but I was born in Monterey, California where I lived until I started high school. Then I moved back and forth between Hawaiʻi and the continent at different stages in my life. Both my grandpas served in the U.S. Army and were last stationed at Fort Ord, so I guess you can say I was “born in diaspora,” but I was really lucky because I was part of a tight-knit military community of Polynesians.
Did you grow up around aloha ? What does it mean to you?
Yes, the “aloha spirit” was a value instilled in me very young. The term has been whitewashed over the years as a marketing phrase, but today I like to think of it more as aloha ‘āina."
"Aloha is more than just love, it is our connection to place and to each other. It means treating others the way we want to be treated, and as I’m learning through my advocacy work, aloha is not always about being polite. Sometimes showing aloha means holding your people accountable (kindly)."
Did you grow up with Hawaiian culture?
Yes and no. I grew up in a very strong Polynesian community of veterans from Hawaiʻi who ended up in Monterey County. I danced hula, paddled with a canoe club, and even had an imu in our backyard for the annual Hui lūʻau. We would fly back to Hawaiʻi to visit family in Kāneʻohe and Makawao regularly, and I even spent an entire summer in Kāneʻohe with my Apo Rose at 10 years old. Ironically I learned the most about my Hawaiian heritage from my Filipino grandma. On one of our visits back home, I attended Kamehameha Schools’ Explorations program and it opened up a whole new world of cultural connection for me. That week changed my life. Throughout my middle school years, I was persistent with my parents about my need to attend Kamehameha Schools. I took my written test in my California Middle School and flew back for the interviews. When I was eventually accepted to start at Kamehameha Schools Maui for my freshman year of high school, my family moved us all back to Maui where I was truly able to reconnect with my roots on the ‘āina of my ancestors.
Is there anything that helped you feel rooted in the Diaspora?
As a kid in the diaspora, those garage hālaus really helped me feel connected. As a young adult in the diaspora, I felt very disconnected without that. Social media did help me feel rooted and connected at times but it wasn’t until I met my now-husband that I felt rooted again because I finally had someone who understood that part of me and shared the same values.
Did you experience any kind of discrimination where you lived?
I wouldn’t necessarily call it discrimination, but I did have a lot of people I considered friends who didn’t understand the history of the overthrow or how disrespectful it was to tease our language.
"I found myself in heated arguments with people all the time over really uneducated comments like “Hawaiʻi is lucky to be part of America,” and “Without America you’d be living in grass huts.”
I feel like as a woman, I faced a lot more fetishization than discrimination. Hindsight is 20/20 of course, but I had a group of “friends” who kind of used my culture as a costume and their connection to me as some kind of permission to do that (even though I never endorsed it). I had a boyfriend when I was younger who treated me like a trophy and would intentionally mispronounce my Hawaiian name no matter how many times I’d tell him it bothered me.
How did this journey back home begin for you? Why did you decide to move back to Hawaiʻi? If there was a moment that inspired you to move back, tell us about it.
I moved between Hawaiʻi and the Continent at various points in my life, even though I was born in California. But as an adult with a family of my own, I only returned home just recently. In December of 2019, I was visiting family for Christmas and went to Mauna Kea. At this point, I was living in Oregon with my husband.
"While we were waiting to cross the highway, they had the Royal Order of Kamehameha as the crossing guards and we were talking story waiting for the cars to pass. As we’re ending the conversation, the Crossing Guard kūpuna says, “So what? You gonna finally answer the call to come home?"
Up until that point we hadn’t really talked about coming home. That combined with my grandpa’s declining health and not wanting to endure another brutal Oregon winter got that process started. I ended up coming home in March of 2020 as the world was shutting down. I don’t think any of the stars would’ve aligned for us to come home had we not had that initial conversation in 2019 early enough to make it happen logistically.
What were some of the challenges of moving back? Was there any hardship you faced after moving back home?
Oh yeah! I have a dog that I had to move home with me, and that’s a whole process that takes multiple months (and money). By the time we got all of that sorted, I was at the airport checking into my flight as the governor was announcing the COVID shutdowns and totally unsure of whether I’d even be allowed off the plane when I arrived. In a way, I was lucky because I would’ve been so isolated in Oregon during those COVID years but instead, I got to live in my family bubble and move back in with my parents for the first time since I was 18 years old. The only real hardship for us was finding work, but I’m grateful for our family support system during that time.
"We both took a huge pay cut coming home, but because of my parents’ quick thinking to make space in the garage for us, I was able to save money that way. "
My husband ended up getting stuck on the continent for a lot longer because of the COVID shutdowns and canceled flights. Some of the boxes we planned to ship were delayed, but eventually, we all made it home.
How are you able to survive living in Hawaiʻi?
Having savings to fall back on and reducing our expenses by leaning on family/community really is essential to financial survival. The truth is, I was living paycheck to paycheck on the continent because I didn’t have the same support system there. Moving home forced me to admit I can’t do everything on my own. Giving up some of that control by allowing myself to rely on others and be relied on by others has made my life more full.
"Those years living on the continent really helped us set a financial foundation to be able to handle all of the curveballs and cost-of-living increases that we face living in Hawaiʻi. "
Would you do anything differently about how you moved home?
I don’t think I would have changed anything because I had that additional quality time with my ‘ohana, especially my grandpa before he passed. Part of me wishes I had moved back sooner and worried less about the money and the plan because everyone’s plans went out the window when the COVID shutdowns happened anyway. The struggle of living away and being disconnected from Maui also made me realize how deeply I longed to be home and how important it is to fight for this place.
"I have a much greater appreciation for my home and being part of this community because I know what it’s like to survive without any of that. Some things can't be taught—they must be lived."
There is a pervasive feeling Iʻve heard when talking with Hawaiians about not feeling “Hawaiian enough.” Is this something you relate to?
Oh absolutely! I grew up with the last name Johnston and light skin. I was constantly having to prove my “Hawaiian-ness” to people. I’m grateful to be older now and care a little less about what others think because I know my roots and I know I am enough as I am. I also think that feeling pushes me to connect more deeply with culture. I also joke that I’m Hawaiian, but I’m not a “capital H Hawaiian”. I feel like some people think of Hawaiians as either hula dancers or kalo farmers, but that’s just not reality for many of us.
"We aren’t a monolith and I try to remind myself and others that there are many ways to be Hawaiian and there isn’t one correct way to do it. The diversity of our viewpoints and our hobbies is what allows us to be a thriving nation."
How can we, as a lāhui, empower people to move home?
This is a hard question, as each person has a different list of needs and wants when coming home. People leave for many reasons, but it’s important to emphasize that you can come home when you are ready. I think we can start by creating spaces for diasporic Hawaiians to learn about Hawaiʻi and what it takes to come home and participate in our community. This can be done both online and through workshops in communities with a large Hawaiian diaspora population. Obviously, this will require a lot of effort and funding, as those of us passionate about bringing our people home will need to lead this initiative. I think we need to be very transparent that this move will be hard and take sacrifices. But it is doable, and for many of us, it's worth the effort. Personally, I believe the Lāhui on the islands must unite to advocate for more affordable housing, stronger restrictions on foreign investors, and limits on vacation homeowners.
What do you feel Hawaiians at home and Diasporic Hawaiians have in common?
We’ve all been cut off from our roots in some way, but at varying levels. We all feel the effects of colonization. Those living in the diaspora are living it in a different way and maybe are more removed from it because it’s not front of mind.
"While living at home, the impact of colonization is on our faces every single day. When I was living on the continent, I would think about it but more so as an afterthought or there would be things that remind me of it, but I think about colonization almost every single day now. "
I also think living in the diaspora I was in a constant state of grief. I constantly felt like I had to prove myself or fight for connection. I was really depressed over there and coming home allowed me to let go of a lot of that.
What advice do you have for others in the Diaspora who are considering moving back?
Do it, but do it at your own pace. If you are thinking about it at all, just know that it’s possible in time. Don’t rush, but we need you.
" I think so many of us struggle with feeling like we don’t belong or we aren’t welcome but the hard truth is that there are outsiders moving to Hawai’i every single day and none of them are being nearly as thoughtful about their impact on our resources."
Come home, Hawaiians, and reclaim our birthright, fight for our people, fight for the ‘āina. Dear Aloha starts with the stat that 53% of Hawaiians live outside of Hawaiʻi and by coming home you help move that number back in the right direction. That in itself is a revolutionary act. On another note - we need more professionals living/working here who understand all of the cultural nuances and even if you arenʻt a “Capital H Hawaiian” just the fact that you care to ask that question and are mindful of the impact is so valuable and something that is missing in Hawaiʻi.
Do you have any books, films that inspired your journey, or even quotes –that helped you deepen into your reconnecting?
I am a big “resident of the internet” and chronically online , so you can follow me @just.actually. I follow accounts like @KanakaToKanaka and her manaʻo is a game changer for me. Also following the moon phases with Ka Mahina Project and trying to align my schedules to that to make sure I’m planting seeds (literally and figuratively) at the right times. I feel like this online landscape is going to be essential to remaining connected and sharing manaʻo across the diaspora.
ʻŌiwiTV has a YouTube channel with great ‘ōlelo practice and things to keep connected to culture from wherever you are. PBSHawaii is another great YouTube channel to watch documentaries. I just watched the film KAPU talking about Iwi Kūpuna and it really moved me.
I’m not a big podcast listener but Hawaiʻi Rising by Hawaʻii People’s Fund is a great one.
I’m currently reading the book “Braiding Sweetgrass” (well listening to the audiobook) and I wish I had discovered this book while I was still living on the continent. Even though it’s not necessarily “Hawaiian”, the themes she talks about really resonate with me as a kanaka who has spent so much time living away from home and longing to connect with home no matter where you are in the world. Anything by Haunani Kay Trask is always worth a read/re-read.
It’s not really a quote, but in high school one of our Kumu did an exercise and asked us to visualize “A Hawaiian” (do it now if you are reading this) and then asked us to share. Most people will visualize historical figures like Kamehameha or Liliʻuokalani, but in my class, more people were sharing close family members (I was picturing my Grandpa) and someone even said THEMSELVES. I carry that exercise with me all the time. We have to think of Hawaiians as people who are living and thriving today, not a thing of the past if we have any chance of continuing into the future.
What I love about your story is that you are vulnerable about the decisions you’ve made and the nuances to being Hawaiian. How do you navigate any judgement (inner or outer) that comes with that?
I think that moreso comes with age (and therapy). I am much more confident now in who I am and recognize all of the cultures and events that had to happen for me to even exist in this world. I am also not “just” Hawaiian. I am Portuguese, Japanese, Filipino, Korean, and American (my American grandpa was an orphan, so I legitimately have no clue where that family tree leads). Nothing anyone thinks changes who I am, only I get to say that, so when I have moments of self-doubt I try to think of what advice I’d give to a friend and take my own advice. The inner judgment does come though, so I do try to dive deeper into that when I have those thoughts and explore where it’s coming from. If I think it’s somewhat valid, then I’ll try to identify an action I can take to reduce that doubt.
"For example, I get really self-conscious about my pronunciation of ʻōlelo Hawaiʻi so to mitigate that, I practice Hawaiian words. Am I gonna be perfect at it? Of course not, but focusing on those opportunities for growth and acknowledging the courage it takes to dive into the unknown really helps me combat that self-doubt."
I also think having that first “coming home” experience of being born in California and then attending Kamehameha Schools and changing the way others perceive me in that way really helped ground me in who I am. Growing up in California, I was always “The Hawaiian Kid” at school, and beginning my freshman year of high school for the first time I wasn’t that because everyone was Hawaiian at that school. Instead, I was the “girl from California”. The teen years are tough on everyone but that shift really hurt me at the time and I think I carry a little bit of a chip on my shoulder from that experience. Ultimately it taught me that other people don’t get to define who I am because other people are often WRONG. No one knows me and my story better than I do so why would I let those outside forces change how I view myself?
"I also think when other people judge, they often ignore all the outside factors that contribute to me being more “Americanized” or “not Hawaiian enough” and I try to remember it’s not my fault. It’s not their fault either if they never learned that history- it’s all ripple effects of colonization and the intentional disconnecting of Hawaiians from our language, ʻāina, and culture."
Interview has been edited for clarity.
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Explore more:
What is the Hawaiian Diaspora? And why should we care?
About Dear Aloha, the documentary about the Hawaiian Diaspora.
Kiliona Palauni's story on returning home from the Hawaiian Diaspora.
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